Happy unbirthday!

(Knock knock.)

Who´s that?



Greetings Earthling.

Now what have we here?

“What?” Isn´t that a bit rude, to call us a something and not a someone?

Beg your pardon, I thought you were a talking washing machine. I mean, that´s how they look on our planet.

(in chorus) Happy Unbirthday to you, Happy Unbirthday to you, Happy Unbirthday dear Whjker79RHjk/YuTY6, happy unbirthday to you!

Thank you. What did you just call me? Whjker79RHjk/YuTY6…?

Yes, that is what we call you in our galaxy.

And what galaxy might that be? No, don´t tell me. It probably has a long, complicated name.

No at all. We come from the Groovy Galaxy.

I seem to have admirers all over the place. Groovy? Still live in the sixties, do you?

Actually it is a shortening for…

Don´t tell me! I am just fine. So, welcome Wjle789ajkseyuiweYuYu from the Groovy Galaxy.

But Wjle789ajkseyuiweYuYu is not our name!


No, it just means “it is us”. You can almost hear it: Wjle-789-ajks-eyui-we-YuYu.

Yes, I am beginning to hear it. Anyway, how did you know it was my birthday, I mean unbirthday?

We know all about you, so that is nothing strange. And we thought it was a fitting day to visit you. Traveling to your remote planet does take some time, you know. We´ve been at it for — what is it, pals? — 20 light years.

Well, I do feel honored, Wjle789ajkseyuiweYuYu. I mean, sorry, that wasn´t your real name…

That´s okay. Since the word evidently sticks, and you already have memorized it, it can be our n i c k n a m e. But enough of us and our names. How are you doing? It took some time to find you, since you are not in your usual habitat. We visited your regular watering holes and people just told us “He has moved, no further info”.

I am in a kind of monastery, in the last house…

in the village of Sárkányháza. How symbolic.

Of what?

You yourself are feeling it, the quietness of not being in the middle of things but outside them, removed. That´s why you called it monastery. Actually it looks like a big, nice guesthouse sort of thing. All this apart from killing dragons, of course.

Of course. Yes, you are right. I am here to get away from things and people and getting close to myself.

We know all about it. Still it is good to hear it from the horse´s mouth, so to speak.

Yes, as a Saggi I know about horses and blinkers. But I have also taken up archery. Becoming human, slowly…

Yes, yes. (long silence) We see you have become friends with silence. That is good.

Sometimes I run out of words. And since so many words have run out of me in this lifetime, I thought I´d give them a rest.

Good move!

Words mean so little sometimes. And so much at other times. Sometimes they are premature, sometimes they come too late…

It is never too late.

For what?

There´s always another tram or bus coming.

Yes, but I see now how foolish it was to miss some trams.

Don´t fret. You are still here; there comes a tram; just hop on, as they say in Budapest.

Ah, Budapest! One could be happy there. I felt it at Keleti the other day. But how typical — I felt it just as I was about to leave the city.

At moments of separation we feel things stronger, are more “alive”. Unless we are alive every second.

What a cliché that is. But still, a good aim. And I suppose we are separating every second, from the second before it. This moment is different, from any before it.

(Sings, out of tune) “is different, it is now.” Just watch out so that the next moment — which doesn´t exist — steals you from THIS moment — which most definitely exists. By the way, do you mind if we smoke?

Just go ahead, I have a gas mask. What brand?

Djarum. We got the idea from your blog.

You really are readers.

We read it from your mind before you published it. So don´t look for our IP number in your statistics.

What else did you read there?

“Don´t be a clown”. We strongly suggest that you follow your own advice. Leave the clowning and get down to serious business.

Yes… serious showbusiness.

Or just business. Have you given yourself any new year´s promises this year, by the way?

No, I seldom do that.

Do it now.

Why not, my unbirthday is a new year in a sense. Let me see. I promise to myself that I will…


I have it, but I will keep it to myself.

Good. Many ears are listening in the ether. Just remember that you are still clowning, still entertaining. That´s great when you have a party at home, but don´t try to entertain the World.

Why not?

First, you can´t do it, second, you are doing it for the wrong reason. If you did it for the right reason, you could do it.

Today´s Koan.

Well, time flies when one enjoys oneself. Is there something special you would like to have as unbirthday present?

Let me think…. Birthdays is something that have melted away in my life, and as to unbirthdays, I am not used to getting presents then. That would be an awful lot of presents!

Well, 364 presents are not that many.

You are right, that´s a small number in an enormous Universe. I have it! An indirect present. Make A.P. Montata happy!

That was an unusual wish. We really are in no position to make anybody “happy”, but we promise to forward your wish to the Great Wizard. Now remember, writer: writing changes nothing, or almost nothing. That is a hard lesson for writers, we know. And don´t entertain, or, only entertain at home. And please, don´t end every one of your posts with a video!

You mean like this one?

That was actually very funny. And quite fitting for this day. Once again we wish you, our hero, a very happy unbirthday. We have to hop on our intergalactic bus now and be on our way. But, just like Arnold, we will be back!

I hope so, dear admirers. You came, and you made my day. Thank you.

S7e89rwklcyuqw! That means “Auf Wiedersehen” in our language.


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